Albus Dumbledore and the Realm of the Muggles!
by PotatoPanda88
Summary: Albus Dumbledore decides that a break from the stone walls of Hogwarts would do him some good. Therefore, he grabs three of his most trusted professors, and embarks on a journey into the ordinary world of the Muggles!
1. Albus needs a Break!

I don't own Harry Potter. That privilege goes to J.K. Rowling. If I did own it, however, the series would still be going on strong! Enjoy the fic!

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Dumbledore walked down the halls of Hogwarts, holding what seemed to be a stack of papers. He greeted students, as he walked towards Snape's dungeon. Dumbledore reached the door, and opened it without knocking. As he walked in he saw the usual double potions class with the Gryffindors and the Slytherins. Ron and Harry were trying to make their potion orange, Hermione was helping Neville wash out flobberworm mucus out of the curtains, and Draco was laughing at the scene with Crabbe and Goyle. It was simply business as usual.

"Severus." Began Dumbledore. "I require your presence in my office."

"Can it wait until the lessons are completed, headmaster?"

"No. Come on, this is important Severus."

"*Sigh* Very well. Mr. Potter, I would not recommend using the sulfur that you are currently mixing with the powdered unicorn horn, unless you desire a love potion that will explode the person ingesting it..." Snape stared at Harry, who slowly put down a vial of yellow substance.

"*Ahem* Lead the way, headmaster..." Dumbledore and Snape left the dungeons, and walked towards Dumbledore's office.

"Headmaster, may I inquire what this is about?"

"Not until I have everyone that I need, Severus. Do you know where Minerva is?"

"I believe McGonagall is teaching the Ravenclaws, in her room." Dumbeldore and Snape walked to McGonagall's classroom, and opened the door. They were met with Minerva talking to Luna about transfiguring goblets into fictional creatures.

"But Professor! Just because no one has seen them, it doesn't mean they are real."

"But if no one has seen them, how on earth were you able to transfigure the form of one?"

"Minerva, may I borrow a quick moment of your time?" Dumbledore asked.

"Can it please wait, Albus? I must ask Ms. Lovegood how she managed to-"

"Minerva, it is quite urgent."

"Oh, very well. Ms. Chang?"

"Yes?" Cho Chang looked up from her goblet, which had sprouted large wings.

"Please watch over the class for me, while I speak to Dumbledore." Minerva left with Snape and Dumbledore.

"Albus, may I please ask what the issue is?"

"I won't explain until we have everybody that I need. Speaking of which, do you know where Flitwick is?"

"Um, I believe he is in his classroom, teaching the Hufflepuffs." The 3 walked their way to Flitwick's classroom. As Dumbledore opened the door, he was met with the sight of Zacharias Smith, levitating Flitwick in the air on accident. As he they saw Dumbeldore, Flitwick dropped onto the floor.

"OW, SHIT! *Ahem* Dumbledore! What a pleasant surprise!"

"Filius, I need to see you in my office."

"Okay!"

"...That's it?" Minerva looked a bit puzzled.

"...You wouldn't rather stay to teach lessons?" Snape was also a bit puzzled.

"No. Unlike you, my size is a wee bit of a hindrance. Let's go." Dumbledore and the others walked to Dumbledore's office. They stopped at the stone gargoyle, and Dumbledore cleared up his throat.

"*Ahem!* _Pumpkin Pasties!_ " Suddenly, the gargoyle moved aside, leading to a set of stairs. As the 4 walked up to the office, Dumbledore told them all to take a seat, while he explained the situation.

"Albus, is this everyone you need?"

"Yes."

"But what about Pomana Sprout?" Snape asked. "If you have 3 of the house heads, surely the head of Hufflepuff would need to be here as well..."

"She is a Hufflepuff. She isn't important enough for this. Besides, she's not as established as characters as you 3 are. Now, as you know, we have enjoyed a comfortable position in the stone walls of Hogwarts. But I have decided that we should take a small vacation."

"But headmaster, why are you bringing us along? Not that I don't seek a break from those idiotic children in Gryffindor..."

"Who will teach in our place, Albus?" Dumbeldore had given each of the professors a slip of paper from his stack. As they read over the papers, they looked concerned.

"...You are having the ghosts teach the lessons!?"

"Dear headmaster," Began Flitwick's voice, "I must protest. The Gray Lady only speaks to the students in Ravenclaw. How shall she teach the other houses?"

"She can write." Said Snape. "Besides, at least they wont be like Professor Binns. Boring the student's into the same fate he himself had suffered. But who will be the temporary headmaster?"

"Funny you should ask that. *Ahem* PEEVES!" Dumbledore yelled out loud. Suddenly, a figure popped out from the tip of McGonagall's hat. Peeves the Poltergeist had floated in front of Dumbledore.

"Yes, great Headmaster?" He said in a sing-songy voice.

"Peeves, I shall be going on a vacation. I would like you to take the place of headmaster."

"What!? Albus, you can't have this asshole be the headmaster!"

"I must say, I have many doubts about this... this idea..."

"I thought you would object... Peeves, please hide." As he said that, Peeves flew into one of Dumbledore's books, while Dumbledore took out his wand.

" _Obliviate!_ " There was a flash of light, and Snape, Flitwick, and McGonagall looked around, confused.

"What just... I was sure that- nevermind..." Flitwick looked around, while Snape spoke up.

"Headmaster, where are we going for this... vacation?"

"Interestingly enough, I have decided that we should go on a cultural trip."

"Ah, culture. I suppose all the beaches are out?"

"Thank Merlin too." Said McGonagall. "I remember when we went to the Loa Beach of Hawaii. The Loa spirits could all see straight through my bikini!" McGonagall complained, while Snape shuddered.

"Minerva, we could ALL see through that bikini..."

"Eitherway, by culture, I mean we shall go to a muggle city."

"WHAT!?" Snape looked at Dumbledore with concern. "Headmaster, we are going to visit muggles?"

"Yes. And not just in Britain, too!" Albus smiled. "We are going to the Americas! To a place called 'New York City!'

"Where?" Flitwick levitated the globe on Albus' desk towards him, and looked around for New York.

"Dumbledore, that's overseas! How will we get there? Apparation? Floo powder?

"Actually, I wish to fully immerse myself into the muggle culture. We shall be taking a muggle transportation mode. I have asked Arthur Weasley to fill us in later.

"...I see so many things wrong with this vacation..."

 **The Weasely Household; The Burrow**

"Molly, dear?" Arthur was attempting to put on a muggle piece of clothing, called a bowtie.

"Yes? Oh, please don't tell me you need to put that thing on again..."

"Unfortunately, I have to do something for a friend of ours.

"*Sigh*" Suddenly, there was a large popping noise, and there were 4 figures standing in the room.

"Ah! Headmaster Dumbledore? You are early!" Arthur struggled with his bowtie, as Molly looked at Dumbledore.

"Dumbledore? What are you doing here?"

"Mrs. Weasley," Began Dumbledore, "Your dear husband, Arthur, has agreed to take us to a muggle transport."

"What? Why!?"

"Well, I have decided that we needed a break from the life within the walls of Hogwarts, and the ethereal boundaries of magic."

"Arthur! I forbid you from-"

"Mrs. Weasley." Began McGonagall. "It is not just for leisure time that we go on this trip. It is important for us to... gather information for... a new form of muggle studies. We are examining foreign muggles."

"Ah... I still protest, but I won't stop you, I guess. Just, make sure Arthur doesn't do anything stupid, will you?"

"I shall keep that in mind, Molly. Arthur, are you ready?" Dumbledore looked at Arthur, who had finally put on his tie, albeit with the aid of magic.

"Yep! Let's go, shall we?" The professors, and the Weasly father walked towards the fireplace, and Arthur grabbed a handful of Floo Powder.

"Alright. We shall go to Diagon Alley. There, I shall grab a Magic Carpet to a muggle airport, and I shall drop you off there."

"Thank you, Arthur."

"*Ahem* Diagon Alley!" Arthur yelled, throwing the Floo Powder down. He was engorged in a green flame, and he was gone. Flitwick, McGonagall, and Snape had followed his lead, and then it was Dumbeldore's turn. He was about to go, until Molly's hand had landed on Dumbledore's shoulder.

"Dumbledore..."

"Yes, Molly?"

"What of the Ministry of Magic?"

"The what? Oh yes, them!" Molly looked worried.

"Surely, Fudge will hear of your departure, and he will try to impose some ridiculous Ministry laws or something on Hogwarts! Remember that Umbridge bitch?"

"Do not fret, Molly. I have taken... I shall, for now say, _precautions_ , for the next 30 days that we shall be gone.

 **The Ministry of Magic Headquarters**

"Mr. Fudge, sir?" A woman had opened the door to Fudge's office, where Fudge was doing a large bit of paperwork. Fudge put down a document detailing an accident involving a hag, polyjuice potion, 2 broomsticks, and a muggle celebrity, apparently named 'Selena Gomez,' to look at the woman.

"Yes?"

"There is a rather large package for you in the main office."

"Well, let's see it then."

"By large, I mean I can't fit it through the door, even with magic." Fudge got up, and walked outside, to where the package was. It was indeed a large package; A ginormous wooden box, the 2 Hagrids tall and 3 Hagrids wide. Oh yeah, after his first meeting with Rubeus Hagrid, Fudge had attempted to pass the notion of using new measurement units, aptly named 'Hagrids.' The box also bore a piece of parchment attached, stating that it was a 'gift' from Dumbledore.

"What in Rasputin the Mystic's name is this?" Fudge poked at the box, only to have it open from the top. Out of the box came a flurry of cornish pixies, preserved from one of Gilderoy Lockheart's classes at Hogwarts. Except there were more of them. Much more.

"WOO!" They yelled, messing the Ministry's shit up, throwing furniture over, and kidnapping some of the employees. They had begun to rip up the paperwork as well. Fudge raised his wand to stop them, but it was taken away by a pixie, who aimed it at Fudge. There was a light from the wand, and Fudge was turned into a man with a stature of 2 inches. Pixies picked him up, and began to toss him around as if he was the ball in a game of hot potato. The hot potato isn't a bad name for him, as his face grew hot and steamed.

"Grrr. ALBUS MOTHERF*CKING DUMBLEDORE!"

 **The Burrow**

"There is nothing to worry about, Molly." Dumbledore said, chuckling politely to himself.

"Well, if you say so. Goodbye, Albus."

"Goodbye... *Ahem* Diagon Alley!" And with a green flame, he disappeared.

 **Diagon Alley**

"So, shall I hail a carpet, or do you have anything else to do before you leave?"

"No, we are quite fine."

"But Albus, what about clothing?"

"Don't worry, Minerva, for I have packed us some muggle clothing." And with a flick of his wand, Dumbledore had conjured suitcases for everyone of the professors, including himself.

"Now, I believe that is a carpet coming our way. *Ahem* Excuse me! Carpet!" The man on the carpet stopped in front of Arthur, who told him to get to the nearest muggle airport. As the professors got on the carpet, Arthur paid the man flying extra, for going to a place surrounded with muggles.

"So," Began Dumbledore. "Are we ready to go?"

"As ready as I shall ever be, Albus."

"Yes, I'm quite ready!"

"..."

"Good! Now then, off we go!" And the carpet took off, towards London, and towards the professors' first steps into the deeper understanding of the non-magical folk.


	2. The Muggle Airport

"Dear headmaster..." Began Snape, in his usual creeping voice. "How will we drop off at this... _Airport..._ without the muggles seeing us?" Dumbledore looked at Snape, who distracted him from the view of the clouds in the sky.

"Well, you know Harry's invisibility cloak?"

"Ah yes... I believe Mr. Potter has broken many rules with that cloak..."

"Wait, Albus, you didn't!"

"I did, Minerva." Dumbledore reached into his... whatever wizards substitute pockets for, and pulled out a black cloak decorated with silver stars, moons, and decals. Dumbledore smiled.

"I believe Harry and his friends can manage without it for a while."

 **Hogwarts, at the Same Time**

"Ron! Sweet Merlin, RON!" Harry was flipping bed mattresses, and opening cabinets with his wand.

"What is it? It's too bloody early for this!" Ron said this in a slow, tired voice, as he was just woken up, and still in bed.

"No, it's not, Ronald!" Hermione took out her wand. " _Wingardium Leviosa!_ " Ron's mattress had started lifting in the air. When it about 10 feet in the air, Hermione tilted her wand, and the mattress tilted too. Ron fell out of the mattress, landing hard on the floor.

"Ow! Bloody hell, a simple 'wake up' would have done!"

"Knowing you, it wouldn't. It's not too bloody early for this, because there is a meeting in the great hall! And we're 15 minutes late!"

"Well, what's Harry doing then!?" Ron pointed at Harry, who was looking in his trunk.

"He's looking for his invisibility cloak, so we can sneak into the Great Hall!"

"Where the f*ck is it!?" Harry cried. He looked under his bed, where he found a letter. He took the letter, and read that it was from Dumbledore.

"This letter's from Dumbledore... I don't like this..." Harry opened the letter, and read it.

 _Harry,_

 _I am terribly sorry for this, but I am afraid that I had to borrow your father's invisibility cloak. I shall have Ronald's father, Arthur Weasely, to deliver the cloak to you when it is convenient for him. Please, for this trouble, enjoy these Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans. I bought Jumbo Size, just for you._

 _Sincerely,_

 _Albus Wulfric Percival Brian Dumbledore_

 _P.S.- Watch out for the new colored bean. I believe it is either cannoli, or dog seme-_

"Oh, okay then! No need to finish this letter!" Harry crumpled up his paper. "I can't believe Dumbledore took the cloak!"

"What!?" Ron and Hermione looked at Harry, who was tucking the box of beans in his robes.

"How are we going to get to the Great Hall without being caught by Snape?"

"I guess we'll have to just go without any magic."

"*Sigh* Fine..."

 **The Magic Carpet, on it's Way to the Muggle Airport**

"I'm sure they will be just fine."

"Oi, Dumbledore?" Arthur tapped Dumbledore's shoulders, holding 4 small slips of paper in his other hand. "You're gonna need these."

"What are these, Arthur?"

"Well, they're called airport tickets. I booked them and printed them out for you on a muggle device for you. Hold on to these, else you're not gonna get anywhere." Arthur passed the tickets around the wizards, who took them and put them away in their... I'll leave that up to your imagination, dear reader.

"Oi!" The wizard flying the carpet caught the attention of Dumbledore, and the other professors. "We're here! I supppose now's the time to be using that cloak of yours."

"Ah, yes." Dumbledore took the cloak, and pointed his wand at it. " _Engorgio!_ " Suddenly, the cloak had grown to twice the size of the carpet. Dumbledore threw the cloak over the carpet and everyone on it, and they had vanished from sight.

"Handy thing, this cloak." Commented Flitwick, feeling the fabric of the cloak. "And you say that Harry uses this cloak, Snape?"

"Indeed, Flitwick." Snape felt the fabric of the cloak as well. "I suppose if I had a cloak like this, I could catch Potter at his antics with ease..."

"Oh, stop babbling about the cloak!" Said Mcgonagall. "Our real issue is how we are to go through with this muggle... Thing!"

"Don't worry, Pf. Mcgonagall!" Said Arthur.

"Oh please, call me Minerva."

"Minerva, I am an expert in muggles! I will take care of a few things for you, while giving you a few tips. However, I don't recommend those robes. Especially those hat's of Dumbledore's and yours. Dumbledore packed muggle clothing, correct?"

"Yes. But there's hardly any space in this cloak to change, Mr. Weasley." Snape looked at Mcgonagall. "Besides, there is hardly any privacy in here. We don't want another haywire bikini incident, do we?"

"Haywire bikini incident?"

"Trust me, Arthur," Began Flitwick. "You don't want to know. I had to cast obliviate on myself 5 times..."

"They're right, Arthur. Besides, I doubt the rumors if Dumbledore is gay or not...I am around his age, after all..."

"Can't you just wear the cloak into the bathrooms?"

"Bathrooms, if they are anything like wizard bathrooms, are divided into genders. And there's only one cloak, so I see many issues with me changing."

"Headmaster, can't we use magic?"

"No, Severus. I wish to hold off on the use of magic for the duration of this trip, as to put myself into the shoes of muggles. Minerva, just go into another stall."

"Very well, though I still object..."

"Alright then. I'll wait here, by the back of this... Thingy..." The wizard flying the carpet landed by the back of the airport. Even if there where people behind the airport, the invisibility cloak would have prevented muggles to see them. As Dumbledore took the cloak, all but the wizard with the carpet got up to go into the airport, in the front. The wizard with the carpet started to roll up the carpet, and took out a book from his robes.

"Alright. Invisibility cloak in 3...2...1...Now!" Dumbledore threw the cloak over the professors and Arthur, including himself. They slowly walked to the front of the airport, and were met with the sight that Dumbledore couldn't believe. Dozens of muggle transportation things, lined up at the sidewalk. With muggles and their bags, carried to the inhnside of the unusually shaped building. Dumbledore was amazed, looking at the muggles getting by without magic.

"Good Merlin- look at them all!"

"...Albus?"

"Minerva, look! Look at all these muggles!"

"Headmaster-"

"I thought I asked you to call me Albus, no?"

"Albus, can we please keep moving?"

"Ah, yes. Very well..." Dumbledore and the others walked to the front of the airport, and motioned to go inside. However, they were met with their very first challenge from the muggle world. Muggle doors. Not just any doors, those turning doors, with four panels. You know the ones. You go to a fancy hotel and- okay, shutting up now.

"...What...The f*ck...Is this!?" Flitwick (Who was being carried by Arthur Weasley) pulled out his wand, but Albus stopped him.

"No. We shall wait and observe how the muggles do it." Albus and the others slowly moved aside from the doors path, as so that muggles would not bump into them. They saw a muggle wearing a grey suit holding a suitcase, and him walking through the revolving door. He did so with ease, pushing one side of it and walking through as it turned. Suddenly, Albus motioned forward.

"Headma-Albus. What are you doing?" Snape slowly moved along with Dumbledore, so the cloak would not spread out to much, and Albus would walk out of it in his wizard attire.

"Ah, wait!" Arthur (And the Flitwick in his hands) and Mcgonagall walked forwards as well.

"This door seems easy enough to use. Let's go."

"No. There doesn't seem to be enough space in between those little spaces to fit all 4 of us..."

"5 of us. Remember me? Flitwick?"

"But I'm carrying you. Look, how about we cast the reducto charm?"

"No. I intend to make it through the month without the use of any magic." Albus and the others attempted to squeeze through one of the sections of the revolving door, and move through into the airport. They managed to barely sqeeze throught the door, but they eventually managed to get inside the airport.

"This... I can't believe it..." Dumbledore was dumbfounded as we walked into the building. It was nothing like the architecture of Hogwarts, or any of the wizarding buildings at all. The building was colored white, with unusual materials. The lighting came from strange globes in the ceiling. And there were many muggles in the vicinity. Dumbledore was paralyzed, but Arthur poked him.

"Dumbledore? Dumbledore!" He whispered.

"What? Oh, yes! The toilets! Any idea where they are?"

"Well, Albus," Began Mcgonagall. "I believe those signs hanging from the ceilings will tell us." She pointed her long, bony finger upwards, towards a sign colored blue. There were many things on the sign that they couldn't understand. Albus looked out for the directions to the bathroom.

"Terminal 1, Terminal 2, Baggage check, Customs, Bathrooms! It's to the east!" The group of wizards slowly moved to the bathrooms, until they reached a doorway with a sign reading 'toilets' above it. They were about to walk into the bathroom, until they saw two paths. One lead into the girls bathroom, and one into the boys bathroom.

"Umm..."

"Okay, how about this;" Arthur suggested. "Muggle bathrooms are mostly like our bathrooms. So, we will all go into one stall, and we will give the invisibility cloak to one person at a time, changing one by one.

"In the same stall?"

"Mr Weasly, I doubt that the stalls are large enough for us to change..."

"How about the person changing puts on the cloak, and goes to another stall with his-"

"*Ahem*"

"Or her change of clothes."

"That sounds... reasonable..." The group walked into the boys bathroom, which was, to their chagrin, almost full.

"...How are we going to do this now?"

"Headmas- Dumbledore. May we pleaase use magic for at least the duration we remain in this... Arthur?"

"Airport."

"Yes, this airport."

"Very well then. However, I shall only allow it for the duration that we are in this... Arthur?"

"Airport..."

"Yes. Besides, I won't be the one to do so. Mcgonagall?"

"*Sigh* _Petrificus Totalus!_ " Mcgonagall pointed her wand in no general direction, instead, just holding it up. Suddenly, the actions of the muggles in the bathroom had immediately stopped. Frozen people in the middle of washing their hands, frozen people in the middle of peeing, frozen people in the middle of taking shi- yeah, you get the general idea.

"With them all frozen, we don't really need the cloak. Just one person going into that vacants stall.

"I'll go first." Said Mcgonagall, holding her suitcase. She walked into the stall, and came out in almost a second. She walked out wearing a long, dark green dress. It resembled her robe, only without the collars and decals. She also replaced her hat with a pair of what muggles call sunglasses. As she walked out, Flitwick motioned inside.

"Arthur." Began Mcgonagall. "Are you changing?"

"No," He replied, pinching out his clothing. "I'm wearing something muggles call a 'Tweed Jacket'." Suddenly, Flitwick walked out, wearing black shorts and a plain T-shirt. He was also wearing horn-rimmed glasses, and a baseball cap.

"Dumbledore?"

"Yes?" Said Dumbledore, holding back a chuckle.

"If I am not mistaken, these are muggle children clothes." Flitwick pulled at his T-shirt with disdain.

"Well, we can always pass you off as a child."

"I have a mustache!"

"Very well... Arthur?"

" _Incendio!_ " Arthur pointed his wand at Flitwick's facial hair, which was now burning off.

"AGH! WHY!?" Flitwick put his wand against his mustache, and screamed.

" _AGUAMENTI!"_ But it was too late. Flitwick could find no trace of hair on his face, and instead, soaked himself in water for no reason.

"There." Said a smiling Dumbledore. "Now you can pass as a child."

"*Mutters death threats* Fine, Dumbledore. But as soon as we are out of sight from muggles, I'm magicking my facial hair back!"

"Duly noted... Severus, your up." Snape walked into the stall, and walked out wearing a black suit with a black tie. It looked strikingly similar to his robes he wore in Hogwarts. As he walked out, Dumbledore walked into the stall. He walked out with a muggle checkered sweater and dress pants.

"So, Arthur, do we look like muggles?" Arthur looked at the 4 wizards, in their muggle best.

"Yes, that will do. However, you will need a cover story.

"Cover story?"

"Yeah. How about this. Snape and Mcgonagall, you two are married."

"EW!"

"...Trust me, there must be a better cover story..."

"Flitwick, you are their child."

"Wait, child!?"

"And Dumbledore, you are Flitwick's grandfather."

"Okay."

"Do I have to be married?"

"Now then, what about passports?"

"Passports?"

"*Sigh*" Arthur waved his wand, and in each of the professors' hands, appeared small books.

"Okay. These passports have your names, pictures, and the stuff you need to fly on an airplane. Now then, lets get to the plane." The wizards left the bathroom, while Arthur put the invisibility into his suitcase, and with Mcgonagall waving his wand, unfreezing the confused muggles.

"Alright," Said Flitwick. "Where do we go?" Arthur pointed towards a long desk across one of the walls, with a sign above reading 'Baggage Check.'

"There. We need to sign in your bags."

"Why?"

"Well, you see there is a little issue with muggle airports. You see, they have to check every single thing in your bags, and your pockets. Something about terrorists... I guess?"

"Very well then. It can't be that bad..." The wizards walked to the baggage check, where a man sitting behind the desk spoke to them.

"Alright then. Just you 5?"

"Actually, I'm not with them." Said Arthur. "Just seeing them off."

"Ah, okay then. Well, gimme your bags then." Dumbledore gave the man his suitcase, which the man put on a scale. As he nodded to himself, he put a tag on the handle of the suitcase, and put it on a conveyer belt. He did so with the other professors baggage (Including Flitwick's which he turned into a child's backpack for the illusion of a child) and did the same.

"Alright then. The suitcases are good to go, but your kid's gonna have to bring his bag along with him."

"Ah." Said Mcgonagall. "That's quite alright."

"Where are you goin' again?"

"New York," Said Dumbledore. "Do you need to see our passports?"

"Yeah. Can you pass 'em?" The professors gave the man their passports, and he let them go past him, after returning the passports.

"Alright, now what? Also, why do I have ot carry my bag, when the others' bags got taken away?" Flitwick looked at Arthur, who pulled out a book from his pocket, labelled 'Muggles and their Transportation.' He flipped through the pages, until he found what he was looking for.

"Well, apparantly, the others' bags are too heavy to bring on board the plane, but your bag's light, Flitwick. So you' ve got to bring it on board the plane. Now then, according to this book-"

"Wait..." Said Snape. "Do you mean to tell us that this whole time, you've been getting the information we need... from a book?" Snape looked impatiently at Arthur, who chuckled nervously.

"Well, for someone in my station, Muggle culture is very... I shall say, diverse. I was already up to my neck with local British muggles, so muggle transport to other countries is aa subject I'm not good at..."

"...I see..." Snape looked even more grim, but Dumbledore broke the... I guess, grimness? Yeah, sure.

"So, where did we have to go again?"

"Well, according to this guide, we should go over there." Arthur pointed to an area with conveyer belts, metal doorways, and security officers.

"There? What does the book say about that?" Flitwick's squeaky voice confirmed the illusion of him being a child.

"Well, it seems that we put whatever we have in our pockets, or anything on us that isn't clothes, into those trays," He pointed to the stack of plastic trays as he said that. "Then, we go in through that doorway. If it beeps, those... security officers? I guess, security officers will pull you aside."

"Sounds good to me. But, what is the point of putting our possesions onto that..."

"Conveyer belt."

"Yes."

"It seems that they have something called X-rays in that metal box the tray goes in to. It tells the muggles if anything is in there that shouldn't be in there.

"Ah, I see." The wizards moved towards the area, but Arthur then stopped them.

"Unfortunately." Began Arthur. "Only passengers on planes may pass through here. I have to see you off here."

"Oh. Goodbye, Arthur."

"Um, Mr. Weasly?"

"Yes, Minerva?"

"If you would be so kind, could you lend us that book about muggles?"

"Huh? Oh! Yes, of course." Arthur handed the book to Mcgonagall, who tucked it away in her bag. "You're gonna need it, of course."

"Thank you. Goodbye Arthur." Arthur then left towards the exit of the airport, waving at the wizards.

"So," Said Snape. "Who's going to try this infernal contraption first?"

"I suppose that shall be me." Dumbledore moved to the conveyer belt, and took a tray. He proceeded to take a number of odd objects out of the pockets of his muggle sweater. The security guards watched as he put gold, silver, gemstones, enchanted rings, galleons, knuts, sickles, a pipe, and a diamond necklace into the tray, along with his shoes and glasses. The guards were amazed with the calmness Dumbledore showed as he pulled ludicrous items out of his pockets, which never seemed to end.

"Umm... Is that all...sir?" An old man behind a computer, behind the X-ray, reluctantly replied.

"Yes, I believe so." Dumbledore smiled. He proceeded to walk through the metal doorway, and waited at the other end for the other wizards.

"It's safe!" He said. "It won't bite you... I think..."

"Alright then, I guess I'm up." Mcgonagall took a tray, and put her shoes and glasses in it. She also put in a small amount of wizard money, needles for transfiguration, and all her jewelry. She proceeded to go through the gate, and meet up with Dumbledore.

"Filius. You're up next." Flitwick struggled to grab a tray, but Snape handed him one. Flitwick put his glasses, shoes, and some Bertie Botts Every Flavor Beans in the tray. He also put his bag into the tray. He put it on the conveyer belt, and walked through the doorway.

"I guess I'm next..." Snape took a tray, and pulled many weird objects from his pockets. He not only put in Galleons, but he also put in some alchemy ingredients in small vials. He put in Beazels, Newt's Eye, Powdered Unicorn Horn, and some Veela Hair. As he put in the items, he walked through the gate. He waited with the other wizards for their stuff.

"Umm... Gracie?" The man behind the computer called to the security guard near the gate.

"Yeah?"

"Can you come here for a sec'?"

"Sure. What's the issue?" The wizards simply watched as the security guard walked over behind the conveyer belt, to look at the computer.

"...Whaddya suppose these things are?" The man pointed at an unusual picture, which happened to be the assorted X-rays of the 4 wizards.

"Umm... They seem to be foreign money, and some valuables. Must be rich."

"Yeah, but what are those?"

"Looks like jelly beans."

"Not those!" The man pointed at the picture of Snape's suitcase."

"What are those things?"

"They look like... I don't know. What do you think they are?"

"I say we pull him aside for a minute or two..."

"Alright. I'll hold onto their stuff for a while." The girl, apparantly named Gracie, pulled the trays of the wizards aside, but she held on to Snape's.

"Headma- Dumbledore. What do you suppose is happening?"

"I'm not sure... I suppose, if I am allowing you to use magic for this instance, I would make the best out of it if I were you. Keep your wand at your ready."

"Sir?" The man asked to Snape. "May I ask you a few questions?"

"...Very well..."The man took Snape to a room, after taking Snape's tray from Gracie. The room was off to a corner, and it was very drab. There were no windows, and it was all grey. There were 2 chairs seperated by a desk. The man sat down in one chair, while Snape sat in the other.

"So..." The man opened Snape's suitcase, pulling out the powdered unicorn horn. "Would you care to inform me what this is?" He shook the vial a little bit, while Snape shifted slightly, moving his hand into his pockets. He pointed his wand, through his pants, at the security camera he had noticed near the corner of the ceiling. Unbeknowest to the man, the camera had short circuited.

"Why..." Snape began, in a voice more calm than his usual tone. "That would be my... I don't know how you muggles would put it, but it is powdered unicorn horn..." Snape smiled slightly, while the man looked at the vial a little closer.

"Unicorn horn, eh? Where'd you find a unicorn?"

"Actually," Said Snape, the smile being more noticable now. "I brought it from Diagon Alley."

"And would you care to tell me where this 'Diagon Alley' is?"

"It's in a place far from you muggles. I suppose I will have to explain to you what Diagon Alley is." Snape stood up, walking very slowly, towards the man. The man also stood up, but he held up a taser towards Snape.

"Diagon Alley." Snape said, in a soothing voice. "Is the main area in Britain where wizards buy their potions, alchemical ingredients, like that powdered unicorn horn in that vial you are holding. They also sell robes, artifacts, books, candy, and some of the best wands in the world." Snape was almost 3 feet away from the man, his hand in his pocket.

"W-wands!? Wizards!?"

"Oh yes, they're real." Snape chuckled, whipping out his wand. "Unfortunately, you shall not tlel anyone else about this. _*_ Ahem* _Petrificus Totalus!"_ Snape pointed his wand towards the man, who completely froze, and fell to the ground. Snape pointed his wand at the vial of unicorn horn, which leviated back into the bag. He took the bag, along with his belongings, and almost left the room. He then looked at the man. With a groan, he flicked his wand, unfreezing the man.

"Ah! Freeze! You're under arrest for-"

" _Obliviate_!" The man's eyes dilated for a minute, until he zoned out. Before he regained common sense, Snape had already left the room.

"...What just... I could have sworn that... What?"

The other 3 wizards were waiting, with their jewelry, and Flitwick's bag, returned to them. The Gracie was checking her watch, impatiently tapping her feet.

"What the bloody f*ck's holding him up?"

"He will be out soon..." Snape had appeared out of nowhere, scaring Gracie. "I believe that he will be with you for a moment...I have cleared everything up. There is nothing to worry about..."

"Oh... I suppose that's okay then. You and your family can move along now." Gracie watched as Snape, Dumbledore, Mcgonagall, and Flitwick passed through.

"So." Began Flitwick. "If I remember correctly, Arthur has booked us a flight on a... What do these muggles call it? A computer."

"Yeah. We already have our tickets, so all we need to do is look for the area we need to wait in." Mcgonagall looked at her ticket, which she pulled out of her pockets. "It says 17-B. All we need to do is go to the area that says 17, I guess."

"Okay then. Oh, hey!" Dumbledore pointed at a shop to the side. "Duty Free Shop? It would be the perfect oppurtunity to see what these muggles buy." The wizards walked into the duty free store, and they all became very distracted by different things in the area.

"Look. Muggle sweets! I wonder if they have any Lemon Drops!"

"This place doesn't seem very- is that chocalate?" Flitwick moved to the side, while Dumbledore went with him to look at the candy with him. Mcgonagall looked at Dumbledore with contempt.

"We really must not seperate. It would be most unwise, considering that we know almost nothing about mug- Are those books?"

"It would seem so. Perhaps we should find one about this... New York." Mcgonagall and Snape proceeded to pore over the books to the side.

"Hmm..." Mcgonagall turned to Snape, who was reading a book on Time Square. "Severus?"

"Yes?"

"Out of all places we could have gone, why New York?"

"Well, why not? Is there a better option?"

"Albus wants to observe foreign muggles. We could have easily gone to an exotic place such as China, or India."

"Well, I believe that, if I remember my muggle studies correctly, if America was a British colony, there would be some familiarity. Maybe the Headmaster doesn't want to be that far away from a familiar setting."

"Are you done, Severus and Minerva?" Dumbledore and Flitwick appeared behind them, holding a large amount of candy.

"Albus! Filius! That's how you lose teeth!"

"Well, it can't be worse than our magic candy, Minerva..."

"Yeah. That shit moves!"

"Ah, very well. I have also decided to purchase this book on New York. Perhaps it will te-"

"Actually, Minerva," Dumbledore interrupted. "We won't be needing that."

"What?"

"Headma-Dumbledore. I believe it would be... unwise to not bring this book along."

"However, once we go to New York, we are going to... I shall not say anything for now. However, let's just say, I have a surprise for you." Dumbledore smiled, as he moved to the counter with Flitwick. Mcgonagall turned to Snape.

"Alright, what the hell is he planning now!?"

"I'm in the same dark as you, Mcgonagall. However, I urge you to keep your wand arm steady."

"Noted."

"Alright, we're good now." Flitwick was holding a bag of candy, while Dumbledore held another two bags."

"You bought that many candy!?"

"Yeah. The man at the counter seemed very generous, when I paid him with a few Galleons." Dumbledore turned aside, and waved at the happy man holding 3 golden coins.

"You gave him wizard money? Dumbledore, of course you know, muggles do not utilise the same currency that we do..." Snape's cold voice had a tint of concern, but Dumbledore paid no mind.

"Yes, but, I believe we can go far with these Muggle coins, considering the man that gave us all this candy for 3 Galleons.

"Very well then. However, I shall be contacting Arthur about muggle money as soon as we get to New York." The 4 wizards walked off to the waiting areas, where they looked for a number on the signs.

"If the signs are consistent, the number we need should be on them."

"Hmm. That one sign." Snape pointed to the sign to their left, "Reads 'Terminals 1-10. That other one." He said, pointeing to the sign to their right, "Read's 'Terminals 11-20.' It would seem that the... 'terminal,' we need to go to is to the right."

"Hm. These muggles seem to be more organized than we thought." The wizards walked down the right hallway, passing by large rooms with muggles sitting near chairs, along with flight attendants and doors leading to airpanes. There were small booths selling overpriced foods, and signs reading out the terminal number.

"Let's see then." Dumbledore pointed at the signs with his long, thin finger. "Terminal 14...15...16...17!"

"Alright, I suppose we wait here until they call out our flight?"

"Hmm... I see 4 empty seats there." The wizards moved to the seats, which they sat down in, happy to rest, albeit in the foreign enviornment.

"These muggles are everywhere. Not a wizard in sight." Flitwick looked around, looking at all the muggles.

"Well, you rarely see muggles in...say, Diagon Alley... Though, it would be nice if we ran into another wizard while we're gone from Hogwarts. As long as they aren't from that accursed Ministry of Magic..."

"Speaking of which, I wonder what's going on with Fudge?"

"Don't worry. As I have told Molly, I have taken care of everything. For the whole month we are gone."

 **The Ministry of Magic Headquarters, in Cornelius Fudge's Room**

"Ah... I finally got rid of those pixies..." Fudge was in his couch, reading a book about short creatures called 'Hobbits.'

"Heh, the things these muggles come up with. Ooh! This Gandalf fellow finally saves them from the trolls!" As Fudge read the book, the book suddenly started vibrating softly.

"Hm? Ah, must be Gandalf's magic from the boo- Oh yeah. Muggles wrote this book." Suddenly, the book's spine started to contort and twist. Fudge put his hand in between the pages, as to not lose the book's page, so he could check the spine. Suddenly, he felt a sharp, stabbing pain through his hand.

"Ow! Dobby's Sock, that hurts!" He tried shaking his hand around, but the book stayed on his hand. He examined the book carefully (Through his pain), when he noticed that the book had sprouted fangs and eyes.

"Shit! Is this Hagrid's doing!?" He tried to magic the book off with his wand, but it wouldn't move. Suddenly, all the other books from his bookshelf had begun to charge their way towards Fudge. He tried to stop them with his wand, but to no avail.

" _Petrificus Totalus!_ Why won't it work!?" Suddenly, when 3 books bit him in his legs, he came to a realization. There were barely any more wizards he knew of who's magic was stronger than his. Among those wizards was...

"Grr...ALBUS DUMBLEDORE!"

 **The Airport, Terminal 17**

"Wait, a spell that makes all the books animated? Like the monster book of monsters!?"

"Yep!" Dumbledore smiled. "Along with a cornish pixie prank, I've set up obstacles that Fudge will have some difficulty... Overcoming..." Suddenly, there was a beep on the intercom, following a tinny sounding voice.

*Bing!*

" _Attention to all people in Terminal 17. If you are leaving for Hong Kong, please go to booth A. If you're going to New York City, please go to booth B."_

"Booth B. That's us. Come on, then." The wizards lined up amongst the muggles. The woman at the booth checked the passenger's tickets and passports. She made it to the wizards, who were kind of nervous when she took the passports.

"*Ahem* Alright then. Albus Dumbledore, Minerva Mcgonagall, Severus Snape, and Filius Flitwick. Alot of alliterations there for a normal name, eh?"

"Ah, well you see-"

"Alright then." She stamped the passports, and checked in the tickets. "You're good to go now."

"Ah... I guess, thank you?" The wizards moved on to the airplane, which was half full.

"Welcome, sir." A lady flight attendant met them inside the airplane. "You and your family's seats are down there, at the very back!"

"Thank you...Is there a lavoratory in this... Plane?" Snape's creeping voice remained oblivious to the flight attendant. Not the spell, mind you.

"Ah, yes. By the very back!"

"...Our seats are by the toilets? I must say, I am not-"

"Thank you, miss!" Mcgonagall and Flitwick pushed Snape down the empty aisle, into his seat. Severus sat down, next to Mcgonagall and Flitwick, while Dumbledore sat in the opposite row of seats.

"Severus!" Mcgonagall reprimanded Snape. "If you are to be here, you must be more polite to the muggles!"

"I'm sorry if I show my... disdain, to our current setting."

"Well, at least pretend to be happy." Flitwick tugged at Snape's suit. "If not for me, Minerva, or yourself, at least for Dumbledore. I mean, look at him!" The 3 looked to Dumbledore, who was examining a catalogue for duty free shopping aboard the plane.

"Amazing!" He cried out. "A watch that tells the exact time!? And a pen? What's a pen? Is it like a quill?" He grinned in amazement at the catalogue, while Snape sighed.

"...Very well. I shall pretend to be happy for Dumbledore. However, I have already grown weary of this place. And I believe that you 2 will as well, very soon..."

"Al right then. If you're not going to enjoy yourself, go to sleep or something!"

"Actually, I have packed a small dosage of sleeping potion. Would you like some?"

"No thank you, I'm fine..." Minerva looked around the plane, now full of muggles. She heard a beep, and the voice of someone.

*Bing!*

"Hello! Welcome and thank you for flying with us on London Airlines. This is your captain speaking; the weather is clear and sunny, with no wind. Perfect for flight. Please, put on your seat belts...Safety procedures...Food carts..." Mcgonagall's attention was grabbed by Snape, who shifted a bit in his seat, ignoring the seat belt statement.

"Very well then. Wake me once we arrive in this... New York City..." Snape reached into his pockets, pulling out what seemed to be a small flask. He took a swig, and immediately began to drift away, ignorant of the plane lifting off the ground, towards a place unlike any other they had seen.


End file.
